Today has been off to a good start. Really spent time meditating at one with the environment. My dreams turned to nature, focused in this new reality, and I began a new morning zen study: Simply cleaning the porches, like I would have done at the Zen temple. I may not ever be able to go again, but the time spent there I will never forget. It was so peaceful this morning, really taking care of all we experience around our home. Every action we do is a moment of contemplation, free of judgement, just simply being. I am at so much peace. I miss the East Bay, and may actually even experience of mourning, but this morning, I feel so much at home. Still so much to unpack, but hopefully will be back to writing soon. Peace all. There’s so much hope in these small moments, only concerned about our direct relationships with our environment. And that is a cultivation we all can do. I don’t always have insight to share, but I really hope this inspires all, to just realize the daily miracles, as we make more intentional and careful environments, around all we do. It’s so simple, so easy, but I don’t even think of it as work. I just pay attention to the sound of the gentle broom, as it passes along, with each moment, and beginning new, clear pathways, to start something new.
For me, the wins can be simple things, the ability, in my depression, to break through and just have enough to eat for the day. It’s been a hard decade, learning lessons I should have learned long ago. I felt abandoned by my parents, struggling through their days, so that I might have a few more to just teach myself. I took over cooking from my home. I’ve learned about amazing institutions, on a journey of self discovery. The thing I look forward to most of all is just a simple broom, so that I can sweep up for the day. I have to go back to the kitchen, but wanted to note this as I end the work for the day. This is the foundation I needed to move forward. Taking care of myself. The growth this week has been exponential, and I think of this as the final day of my education. I’ve grown up so much this week, and soon I may be able to just write again, but for now, I’ll just read, and cook, and clean. This is everything I’ve always wanted. Just a simple life, from which to dream.
Hey all! I’ll be taking a break from social and writing for the next few months while I study. I talk endlessly. I love communicating, but it’s time for me to listen instead of reacting. The brilliant journalists I follow are enough for me right now. If I write anything it will be fiction or poetry, but I need to contact the visual art part of me, and really look at the ways that can lead to positive outcomes. We’re almost moved in, and I’ve been listening to jazz all morning. Some Miles, some Wes Montgomery, some Brazillian. Great time. We’re in the mountains, and I got a little lost without my phone driving home today.
While I was lost I found that beyond our small village was a series of mountains and valleys, so beautiful, and that opened something within me. Our landlord has often called this place a retreat, and after what seems like deep conflict, it all now seems safe and happy. I hope everyone can feel moments like this. So I’ll be listening, and reading my favorite journalists, and enjoying my favorite companies. They all keep me going, and it’s time to let the blog go for a bit. I have my books assembled, my iPad is charged, and we’ll be moving our last things in a couple of days. I hope you all enjoy everything on this blog. It’s pretty deep at this point, expressing my deepest truths. I hope that didn’t end any mystery though, because life, in all it’s complexity and simplicity, is full of such wonder, all the time, in our lives.
In my first day in a role of the homemaker, I really took a look at what simple choices can be a gateway to peace. Not all of us are world leaders, some of us may never find the perfection we’re looking for. What is the perfection we can seek in our daily realities. If we can’t cultivate the simple experiences and elevate them beyond their simple forms, what can we achieve? What is a broom? What is the cultivation of our lives? There are simple things to engage with? What is the possiblity in design of the best thought, carried through the peaceful designers? That open into new worlds? When I worked as a designer and developer, I worked with the best minds, and I hope to explore design even further in my simple tasks of daily life. The design that can change the world can start with the smallest things. The make and model of a whisk, the artisans that hand craft with attention and love. I want to love my work. I want to understand. And perhaps this is the foundation I truly need for art. I am an artist, I am a writer, and this is the choice I’m making today.
I have often spoken about how much this move means to me, and today was the biggest example of that. I can’t write too much tonight, since some days the growth can be so fast, that I can barely keep up. While winding down the day, I made some choices. After a bumpy start, I’m now the homemaker of our apartment, taking care of meals and groceries, and still learning every second of the day. I’m almost blinded by the brilliance I see, all around us, helpful people, bright lights, that seem so clearly like a sign of hope. I’ll wake up in the morning with one new wish. That we all can welcome the morning as a new day, maybe every day, as we can all make a new world. Is anything more than asking for one simple day in such a chaotic world. Isn’t that the voice that cries out in the daily pain, of survival, that we in our worlds are now emerging. I’ve decided to just listen for awhile, there may be few posts on this blog for a bit. It’s not time for a new novel. It’s a time of rest, so that I can welcome each new day as a day to make the world a little brighter, in the small way I can. Closing up for tonight, and wish everyone who reads this blog, in advance, or maybe in places where they already can, a good morning, and a chance at many more, all through the weekend, and every day, as each day is a gift, we can only repay with the love we have, for each other, our worlds, and the promise of a new tomorrow.
I’ve learned so much this year, almost completely transforming my mind and all I do. We’re getting close to finishing our move, and it’s an exciting moment. We’re almost here, and I love Fairfax. But we have a lot to do on our move. I’m still studying, but I want to assure everyone who reads this blog that things will never be normal for me. I’ve changed so much, and I’m trying to build our home and design into something I’ve always dreamed of. I’ll get to the work soon, but for the next month, I’m just reading and getting to know the town. Fairfax has already changed me. I feel so much peace, and I want our apartment to reflect that. A place for all cultures, doing the little I can to build the possibility that only design can give. Careful choices, cultivation, care, and homemaking. I dream of a simple life, and we’ll be building a greenspace where we work in the apartment, and enjoying the simple ecology that can only be born here in nature, and dreaming of a union between the natural world and our incredible advancement of technology in California. I love this city, I love the bay area, and all it represents.
Diplomacy and love. Peace in the valley. Peace in the trees, peace for all. Beautiful morning, let me stay with you for a while, may our work never cease, until our valley becomes the place it really can be.
I truly think of Fairfax as a home. Since our arrival here, the city has been so kind, so inspiring, and truly wonderful. Our home in the hills is everything I’ve always dreamed about, somewhat serene and open, and a perfect place to slow down and dream. The town is beautiful, the streets are safe, and even amidst the chaos of moving, I still find time to stop and listen, and for the peacefulness of the evening, and the quiet hum of the day. Driving through the hills there are signs reminding us to slow down, and consider the safety of the community, and I take this to heart, and not just while we’re moving. I long for the peace when I go inside, and the union with nature with the outside world. It’s transforming my thoughts. I hope we’re here for quite awhile. I’m still learning about the town. I found a wonderful coffee shop, lotus cafe is downtown, and I can’t wait until we’re done moving, so I can finally take a break, and just enjoy the town. This is home now. And I’ll remember every day, that life isn’t a race. It’s a gift everyday, that we can almost miss if we’re moving too fast. It took me years to realize what I’ve already learned in a few days. Slow down or you might miss it, life, in all our struggles, there’s a moment to be realized, as Dogen said, a moon in a dewdrop, the flow of life, all throughout the day.
Sometimes we have to face difficult decisions. Sometimes people who you think are your friends, are really just trying to take something from you. At first you don’t recognize this, yet you can realize after awhile that they haven’t been giving anything back to you at all. This is something that happens often in music. At some point, as the psychology community states clearly, you have to create boundaries. And sometimes you can love the same person for who they are, but clearly define where they have drawn a line. I am open and trusting naturally, but today I decided to create a clearer boundary to what feels like complete distrust, theft, and dishonesty. It’s OK to let some friends go. It’s how we stay safe, and you still don’t have to hate or stop the relationships, but when someone you know has been dishonest and manipulative, you have to just put that relationship in a different category. That’s just the way things are, especially with the myth of scarcity, well documented other places, that I will not repeat here. I hope this is the last time I will ever have to stand up like this in writing, but what will we teach the ones who follow us that true competition is the best path forward. Games are fun, but they do have rules, otherwise it’s just some kind of mess or manipulation, or just an uncomfortable chair, or an especially expensive espresso maker. I just want to spend the day tomorrow with a small french press, which I have on order, and looking really excitedly for the day when it arrives.
Dusting off true and advancing my studies, I have decided to use the next year really getting more into peaceful communities. I’m devoting myself to art and literature for the next few months, in any way I can, but especially with writing and the arts. This has always been my true calling, and I can’t wait to begin soon. We’re moving, but by this afternoon I think I’ll have everything I need to really explore. I’ll have more updates this week, and any major decisions I’ll ask everyone for votes. I know that this is counter to individualism, but it may be the absolute best chance of engaging communities with how best to use my time, reaching out to friends and family about my plans. Hopefully by next year I’ll have a substantional body of work, and perhaps change everything for the good. I’ll be, of course, checking in with NYT and WSJ, for perspective. If anything changes I’ll let this blog know, but any emergencies have been met well, and we’re peaceful and safe. I ask that anyone who reads this blog will let us have our time here, and know that all we’re looking for is fun, peace, happiness in any way we can. Where I am right now is everything I’ve ever wanted. A place to be peaceful, a place to celebrate life, and the hope to reach a new day, every day, to share my peace with the world. So grateful to be on this journey. 🙂