Home

Well, we finally made it to our home for the Holidays, a full week to rest and write, and really make sense of everything that’s happened in the last couple of years, If I could tell you what happened I would as if I could ever tell you what went on inside. In many ways this is the first time I’ve had any distance from the day-to-day hardships in the forest when I tried to make sense of the world and learn as quickly as possible so many things that I had never thought about before. All I did for the past couple of years was focus on learning, mostly in art but also in fields I was just starting to get a hold of. I’d been completely oblivious to the world for about a decade while I was in school, not even reading the news or participating in pop culture, so there was almost this kind of clamor as I tried my best to get a sense of what was going on. I did and I was almost shellshocked by it.

The home I grew up in and the world my partner and I created around our lives were kind and beautiful, and still is, but sometimes what I’ve learned about the world brings me to tears, this can be a very harsh place. It was in this context that visiting Dallas this time was so poignant, visiting places I thought would be the same but have changed so much. I realized I just couldn’t ever go home again, home is where Rachel and I are. Dallas is not the place I remember, nowhere is, and this whole constant thing, change, is happening so rapidly, slow down world, I think. Behind this digital veil something human must exist, sometimes it seems almost gone from the digital aspects of our lives.

I think if I stay here I’ll just try and be honest with you guys about the emotional details, not sharing too much but not becoming a mood ring either. A lot of you may have never even met me at all, I guess. I usually just try and stay quiet. My fiction is usually where you find my voice, untethered by the inherent style of the social media post. I’m tired but happy, and wishing for better days. I’m sure we can all get there eventually, it’s critical that we do. If I can wish anything for Christmas, I wish for understanding and patience, for all of us, for all conflicts, and all communities. We don’t need a revolution. We need a softening of our hearts, a brightness to light our way, and is anything more illuminating than the human heart, a bright fire from which we can see with more than our eyes, a promise that our lives depend on an inner faith, which drives our being at every moment. That’s what I wish for the season coming up, this winter, warmth in our hearts, brighter than any storm it comes upon. Happy Holidays everyone, sometimes I don’t feel like I have a home but I have good friends, and I hope we can all find that strength with each other here.

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