I’ve been studying since the pandemic happened, researching countless articles breathlessly, at so many sites seeking to understand the world and my surroundings, my place in the world and context within it, and building my own reality in fiction writing and expressing the inexpressible in my digital painting work. It took practice, unmitigated, constant focus that made days seem like years. It could have been as if seven years of my life took place during the lockdown. Constantly staring at screens in our urban apartment, and too busy with thought to watch films, or even enjoy music, but today I feel, not quite like graduating, but at the mid term of my life.
I now know who I am, where I’m going, and my mind is finally ready to take flight. The art I see developing in my mind is not like any of the work I have seen in any other places. I have to make this work, and I’ll be writing additionally. I don’t know yet where I’m headed, but I definitely know who I am and what I can do. The hard work begins this week. Taking the inspiration and trying to grow into the world, not just focused on my immediate surroundings. Thank you everyone who has allowed me to grow this year, and while it hasn’t been easy, I’ve benefitted enormously from your honesty, and I hope my honesty in return was enough of a compensation. It took me years to discover who I am, and I hope that no one else has to go through what I went through.
I’m ace, aro. I’m an artist and musician, and my world can only be found in my fiction and poetry. It’s all here for you to read see, and listen to, and I hope to join back into the world tomorrow, as I try to rebuild an independent path forward in the arts. I know we’re all there. The pandemic changed us all, and I’m just seeing that tonight. My writing on this blog, and my new work is here, of all my recent paintings. I’m just at the beginning of this. I’m taking the rest of the holiday evening off, and will be back at it tomorrow, reading the NYTimes, WSJ and Twitter, and engaging with the world again.