I’ve always known what it’s llike to be counted out. As someone who grew up in Texas in the 80s and 90s, I was economically marginalized, always feeling a little different from the other kids. I didn’t get to see my Mom very often, she was always so busy. So was my Dad. It seemed like they always left me alone in my room, spending time with video games, I didn’t feel at home, really ever. I moved away as soon as I could, and only found family in my work relationships, those early experiences really formulated my friend group. When I finally found the zen center, it was like a true coming home. It felt right.
Beginning to go live at a temple in the next few weeks will almost be like another childhood. No one really knows me, and with all the harassment, that’s made me even more aware of this. I’m still waiting for chance to just be myself, not living by anyone’s standards, just dedicating my life to the dharma. This is my first real chance to discover who I am, away from the fear of being able to find a future, anyone’s approval. I’m just waiting to be. I moved all over the country looking for a place to call home. This blog is the only place I’m really able to express my views, and I don’t know how many people read this.
This is the only place you’ll ever get to know me, and I hope my honesty here has shared my human experience with you. Just listening to Lana del Rey and chilling out tonight. I’ve invited all my friends to view this blog tonight. And please don’t count me out, as so many have done in my life. I’m here.
The Reluctant Blogger 